So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
