so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
