Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
