i jhust puked up my retainher.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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