This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We just shotgunned beers for America
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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