wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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