I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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