I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize