Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
