why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
