he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
