Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
