Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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