Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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