i just had sex bonerless
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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