He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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