Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
