I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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