yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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