anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
