I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
