I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
