I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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