The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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