apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize