i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
