well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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