Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
