I need help removing her.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
