You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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