This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i came on her dog
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize