Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They took my balls.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
