Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
