I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
