uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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