this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I need to stop coming to work sober
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
