i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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