ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
