Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
