I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
