mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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