the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
