Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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