everyone is single if you try hard enough
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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