is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
