The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
