remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
