He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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