Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
