Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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