I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
