Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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