"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize