why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize