Pappa wants mamma naked
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
