physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
