Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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