I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
