covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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