My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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