Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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