I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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