I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
